“I’ve spent a lot of time in bars asking out a lot of women and there’s one thing I’ve learned: 80% of women are lesbians, 10% don’t speak English, and 5% will beat you up after sex and steal your television.”
when the pizza guy came over today i was like “have a good day” and he said “dont tell me what to do” and i just stood there staring at him and then he’s like “lol i got that from drake and josh”